Q: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
A: The wood-chucking abilities of the common woodchuck vary according to its territorial establishment. The woodchuck secretes its territorial marking scent through three nipple-like anal glands. Thus, it is reasonable to assume that the woodchuck that establishes and defends more territory has more wood-chucking potential and opportunity.
Woodchucks also hibernate through the winter. I assume they cannot chuck wood while asleep. Therefore, I propose a new woodchuck-caffeine addiction/anti-hibernating program, backed by World Learning. This program would be a contextually aware institution, where we can work towards improving the wood-chucking abilities of woodchucks internationally by teaching them various methods of preventing hibernation by using local remedies such as yerba mate, drip coffee, and cocaine. In this program we can also teach them to chuck wood sustainably by planting trees. Those interested in working with the woodchuck-caffeine addiction/anti-hibernating program, please contact The Sparkling Goat.
Q: I am concerned about Charlie Sheen, what can we do to support him in this difficult time?
A: Charlie Sheen is a great opportunity for those PIMs who can't find work. You can create your own organization to help this marginalized person. You can call it Tiger Blood!
Q: What are some new fashions for Spring?
A: Vibrams, like 5 people at SIT have them! Plaid, flannel (not the same!) suspenders. Are florals usually "in" in the spring?
Liz, you are the best. Thank you for such wonderful advice. I'm so glad we've just spent 9 months of time and energy and $40,000 to support the woodchucks who could chuck wood.
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